please come you make the beer taste better
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
