She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
