So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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