quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
