so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
