New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
