You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
