thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
