please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize