i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
