did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
