...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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