Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
