Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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