you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
