Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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