Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
