I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
