dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
