if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
