i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize