this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
