So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
