Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
