After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
