when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found your dick twin last night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
