she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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