just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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