My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
