We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
