If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
