"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wear drunk well.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
