did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize