Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is my gift to your gina
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
