so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
