Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So much Jack, so little girl.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
