I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
