So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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