Sober January is a disaster.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize