well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
