Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
