ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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