tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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