Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
