I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize