idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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