I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize