Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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