some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
