I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
