In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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