I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
