so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
