the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
