i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
