i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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