allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
