he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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