I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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