That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
