Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
