the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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