your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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