I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
