i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
