just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize