just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
