bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
