It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
