My friends, they love my intelligence
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
