Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
