used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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