This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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