just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
