I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
