What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
