I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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